through the trees

I was alone in the forest, the wind rushed around the trees hitting my face softly. Sunshine made the leaves glitter. This moment in time is where i wished forever would reside. I want to find someone who would walk with me in the woods without saying anything, and soak up the beauty around us that God created. I have been thinking a lot lately about life and love and where I am headed and what God has in store for my life.

Confusion has been knocking at my door. Questions of why I do not let people in easly shakes me to my core.

I need answers, I need some help here!

condensation

Watching the condensation form on the outside of a cold cup on a hot summer day. The way the droplets form into a puddle on the table where it is sitting. then vanishes with the heat if there long enough. It brings me to the point of understanding that if I sit in the sun long enough, if enough time passes my heart will be warm once again.

What does it matter anyways if my heart is warm or not? who do I think I am to sit and sob over something I can not change? We are living in a day where materialistic things are in dominion over us all. It makes me sick.There are people all over the world hurting and if I can not see past my own issues to help them... well that would make me a pathetic person.

Part of me wishes that I had nothing, to where I would have to work all day just to survive. Where there are dirt red roads and no queen size beds, no beds at that! Where I would have to sleep in a hammock and cook each day over a fire.

The dream I am chasing is to have a camera, backpack, and granola bars. To travel to the unknown to find danger and adventure. Never will I allow fear to hold me back from that. Even if I take this adventure alone.

Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everyone, I think that is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat. Mother Teresa

in between the raindrops

Today I went for a run to escape the emotions twirling inside. The headphones on drifting to the words, "What they call love is a risk, cause you will always get hit out of nowhere by some wave and end up on your own." The words stung as if shards of glass tore open my flesh. Why of all the people on this earth did it have to be you? You understood life, you just knew how to live. You were not afraid to call me out and say, "What the HELL are you thinking ash!?"

The rain hit my face as my pace quickened. This is not a feeling of a never ending chill for you would not appreciate the tears that fall down from my eyes. You know I can not wrap my brain around the idea that you are really gone. Perhaps it has not hit me yet. It will happen in about a month when I am excited to tell you all about how Haiti was, or when I just want someone to talk to.

You would understand this, as I was running the air was warm and i felt it on my skin between the raindrops, never have i felt such beauty. I feel close to you in these moments. I will forever see you in things of beauty for you were beauty.

The light has gone dim this evening and in a matter of hours I will be at your funeral, but dear sir know that my tears are tears of thanks to God for blessing me to have known such a soul as yours. This will be a celebration to your life and all the people you have touched. You were not afraid to be real in this world where fakeness abides. So my dearest I will love you till my last breath and smile because you made me smile and laugh because you made me laugh and in moment when i am about to do something stupid your voice will chime in "What the hell are you thinking ash?"

Bucknucks ;)